In an intimate relationship, there is a kind of garbage person. They don’t love you at all or even respect you, but they live on the nourishment from you. They are wordsmith, and all the compliments they give you are just baiting; they are beautiful and they know how to please you. However, once you nod your head and agree with their parasites, you can only become their instrumentalists, providing them with a steady stream of sexual or financial benefits. This kind of relationship is not conducive to your personal growth at all, nor is it to nourish each other.
A typical symptom of addiction to rubbish people is self-contradiction-you know that you can leave everything that annoys you and usher in a brighter and clearer future, but there is no way to decisively leave. It is not based on any objective and realistic reasons, such as financial dependence, the other party forcibly restricting you at home, etc., which makes you lose that courage.
This feeling is more like an addiction to alcohol, gambling, or drug addiction. It is your active but involuntary behavior. You know everything rationally, but you are still sinking. It’s as if some people keep saying that I want to quit bad habits, but the bad habits still recur.
Why toxic relationships are addictive
Why is it that Garbage relationships make people can’t extricate?
Essentially, it’s because our brains are very fascinated by “supernormal stimuli“.
What is “extraordinary stimulation”? It can be understood as something human instinctively needs to magnify the dose of Many times.
For example, people like sugar, so the super-normal stimulus is high-sweet candy and bubble tea. people like sex, so a supernormal stimulus is a thrilling pornography. people like to fall in love, so the extraordinary stimulus is romantic novels and idol dramas that make people feel so soft.
Now you understand “Extraordinary stimulus” is not beautiful, it is often a trap, which means sinking without resistance.
Now back to the garbage people.
Garbage people don’t actually look like garbage. They must meet at least the following two conditions to achieve their parasitism:
A. Take the initiative to attack-after they hit the target, they will definitely start decisively and will do whatever it takes.
Can you imagine a person who has nothing to do with you, approaching you quickly, showing you good in a very short period of time, and then leaving you as quickly as possible after achieving a certain goal? (And before you leave, you will probably be treated coldly, belittled, or humiliated)-but many garbage people are in such a relationship.
In other words, they enjoy being surrounded by such a relationship, because the instant relationship is very convenient for them. For those treated as prey, this active and dramatic approach also constitutes a “supernormal stimulus.”
B. Super good looks-they are in good condition, at least they seem to be in good condition. Among them, high appearance is the most fascinating item, which can be regarded as the “hard currency” for the garbageman to pass through and upgrade, so I will talk about it separately here.
However, even if their appearance is not high, they still have talent filters, work filters, temperament filters… and other charms. Garbage people are not stupid. They know that in the atmosphere they create, you have a certain probability of being attracted to them and triggering the brain circuit that controls pleasure in the brain that’s why they will take action.
C. Emotional value-at least in the first encounter, they will provide you with a high concentration of pleasant experience. If you like an overbearing president, someone will create a blushing heartbeat experience for you; if you like obedient milk dogs, someone will treat you like a princess. But these are just the initial bait, and they are not aiming for a long-term relationship.
I believe you have heard a lot of stories about garbage men. They usually approach at the speed of light, pick up what you need from you, and then leave at the speed of light. In the process of their hunting, these sensory stimulations beyond the normal dose are necessary means to hold you in. And when they evacuated, many people have already had an addictive reaction to this bewitching relationship.
If you lack judgment, you may be addicted to it for a long time, unable to extricate yourself, or even disregarding your dignity, struggling to save…
Is there really no way to leave the garbage man?
After realizing that you are being used by garbage men, how can you stop this kind of meaningless thoughts caused by false relationships?
Some people will force themselves to quit with reason. The process is like quitting smoking or quitting alcohol. It is full of self-struggling pain and is prone to recurrence-midnight dream recalls the good time of the old man, and then ran back. Looking for someone, this kind of bridge is not uncommon.
Why does deliberate withdrawal often fail?
Just like the tighter, a rubber band is stretched, the farther it will bounce once it is let go.
One end is the fear, anxiety, and lack of feeling brought about by “losing someone”, and the other represents “high concentration of happiness”-the rubber band is pulled hard and quickly bounces back.
Behind it is your stubborn brain at work: on the one hand, it is spurred by fear and anxiety (“I’m afraid I will never find someone so good to me”), on the other hand, it can’t wait to run to the joy of carnival ( “Really miss the happy hours he gave me”).
In this case, the harder you struggle, the more you are trapped in the swamp of missing—because human instinct, or the instinct of being an animal, is to approach happiness and stay away from pain—although happiness here does not It is not lasting, and the pain is only fleeting.
Is there really no way to get rid of it?
I have contacted a person before, and she recruited bees and butterflies everywhere, and I asked her why, she said: because she wanted to use others to forget her ex.
I didn’t understand it at the time, and now I understand it, but I still don’t recommend that you use this method, because it is likely to get you into more trouble, hurt others and disadvantage yourself.
My personal experience is that if you find it difficult to quit, then you can try “aversion therapy.”
“Aversive therapy” means staying with that person until the negative experience he or she brings to you far exceeds the positive experience he or she once gave you. That’s right, just do nothing and continue to bear it until you can’t bear it at all.
When the last trace of happiness has been taken away, leaving becomes a natural thing.
You only need to hint to yourself: You can continue to dig in the garbage. However, you can also leave at any time.